Monday, June 13, 2005
I CANNOT DO ANYMORE...I NEED YOU, LORD
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
Once when I was operating deep inside a brain, an artery broke loose in an area that I couldn't see. This resulted in vigorous bleeding. Because we couldn't see where the blood was coming from, it looked as though we might lose the patient. Without consciously deciding to do so, I just started praying for God's help. I have learned to act on intuition in such emergencies.
Just then I did something that, in the telling, seems almost irrational. I placed the bipolar forceps into the pool of blood where the bleeding might be coming from. It started sucking away the blood. I pleaded, "God, you've got to stop this bleeding. Please, God, I cannot control it."
Strange as it may seem at that instant the bleeding stopped without my ever being able to locate its cause. Afterward, the patient awakened and recovered fully.
At another time we had a man from Bermuda who had trigeminal neuralgia (an extremely painful condition of face caused by irritation of the fifth cranial nerve). Before we had methods to treat this condition, many patients committed suicide because of the constant pain.
I had to put the needle into an exceptionally small hole at the base of his skull and pass it up to the level of the ganglion. This process requires a skill in which I had to develop a great deal of proficiency during my days as a medical student. On that particular day, however, no matter what I did, I could not get the needle into the hole. I had worked at this for nearly two hours before it occurred to me that perhaps I should just give up.
Just before quitting, I finally prayed: "Lord I cannot get the needle in. There is no way I can do it. I am going to take this needle and push it in one more time. I want You to guide it into the hole, because I cannot seem to do it."
I took the needle, pushed it, and went right through the hole as if it had a mind of its own. A feeling of deep gratitude came over me. I feel that it is a little risky to relate an incident like this because I can almost hear skeptics say, "Oh, come on, Ben, that is ridiculous. Why would you even say a thing like that?"
Yet, for me it is not absurd; it is what I expect. In talking with other Christian surgeons, I have learned that some of them understand because they have experienced similar feelings of God guiding their hands.
When we develop a relationship with God and believe that He is working through us, we still have moments of helplessness---when God has an opportunity to do something for us. This happens when we give our best---which, at the particular moment, does not seem good enough. Ready to give up, we say aloud or silently, "I cannot do anymore, Lord. I need You."
At such moments we provide God with the opportunity to respond. Truly, "Man's eternity is God's opportunity."