FOODFORTHOUGHT

Many many times in my life, more times than I like to remember it hurt
a lot feeling unaccepted and unacceptable, and I often wished that
horn would be taken away from me. It wasn't until much later that I
realized what a blessing it was. It made me want to accept others
because I never wanted to make anyone feel unaccepted by or
unacceptable to me. Not that I have fully succeeded because basically
I am a judgmental person. But I also know I have made a lot of people
feel accepted and acceptable and I am very grateful for that.

Over the years, I often found myself in people's doghouses, a most
interesting phenomenon. I think people put people in doghouses out of
a feeling of being right. They feel very justified in marching
whoever has displeased them into their doghouses. It seldom occurs to
them that the "offended ness" and displeasure could be mutual.

It used to bother me greatly when people and I were at odds with each
other. Well, to be honest, it still does if the people concerned are
people I love. But another lesson I have learned here is to just let
people be cross if that is what they choose to be.

Because I am basically an angry person, I have been analyzing anger
for decades and have come to the conclusion that two things make us
angry:

1) when others try to make us be or do something we don't want to
(people in authority over us: God, parents, teachers, bosses) and

2) when others will not be or do what we want them to (God and people
we have authority over: children, students, employees.) And of course,
spouses fit both categories. =).

Gerald Jampolsky calls this desire to control and others' desire to
control us. We have our life's agenda planned out and when they don't
pan out= major frustration. We ask God for things we want; He doesn't
deliver as we wish - we are upset with Him. We expect the people in
our lives to think, talk and behave a certain way which of course they
never do; so we're bent out of shape. We are at the mercy of our scripts.

Here in Papua New Guinea, the term for angry is "belhat" or literally,
"hot belly/stomach." When someone wants to voice his anger towards
you, he would say, "Mi belhat long yu." (My belly is hot towards you.)
So when any of my boys are cross, I simply remark, "Oh, here comes
some belhat," and leave it there. I have always quoted the Spanish
proverb, "Cuando uno no quiere, dos no pelean." (When one refuses to,
two cannot fight.) But it is only now that I can just "leave it
there." My old stance used to be, "You wanna fight?"

I want to be able to make people feel loved and accepted and
worthwhile. I want to put skin on Jesus. I want people to be able
to understand how much God loves them by the way I love them. That
doesn't mean I have to accept emotional blackmail or fits or petulance
or rudeness, manipulation or intimidation. I can just leave the
belhat there. Nowhere is it written that when someone throws the ball
of anger at me, I have to catch it.

I SEE NOW THAT LOVE CAN ACCEPT ANGER.

Lolita Jardeleza
Papua New Guinea

Lolita used to work as a Missionary in Papua New Guinea.

PRAYER
"Lord, fill me with your Holy Spirit that I may listen to your word attentively and obey it joyfully."

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